The best way I can think to explain what limiting beliefs are is that it is the kind of ‘bedrock thinking’ that sits underneath some of the surface thoughts that might pop up in your head during the day.
It’s like a foundation belief that many different thoughts stem from, but with a common theme connecting them to that ‘foundation’. Sometimes you may not entertain the thoughts too much, but a cumulative effect of many thoughts underpinned by a limiting belief will have an impact, even if you’ve not identified it - yet!
Let me give some examples to make this relatable.
Examples of limiting beliefs
‘I’m not clever / talented enough...’
‘It’s too late to change or start something new now...’
‘Whatever I choose is bound to be the wrong thing, or won’t work...’
You may not explicitly have one of the above exact thoughts, but you may be able to identify one of those (or something similar) through patterns of thinking and thoughts you may be having, such as:
‘I’m not sure if I should apply for this promotion / new job opportunity’, or
‘I’ll stay in this role / relationship – better the devil I know!’, or
‘I doubt this idea will work’
Why do I have limiting beliefs?!
The thing about beliefs is that it is human to have them. You won’t not have beliefs!
They are formed through our life experiences, our upbringing, our assumptions about the world and our place in it. They can be contradicted sometimes, but they can also be reinforced. And they can be hard to argue with because a story we tell ourselves enough times becomes our reality.
But there is a key message to also remind yourself about beliefs and it’s this:
a belief is something we hold to be true even when there may be no proof of it actually being true.
What a limiting belief looks like
It took me until the ripe age of 40 to realise one of mine! It was something along the lines of this:
“I am not very good at maths”.
It’s not like I woke each morning thinking this exact thought, which is why it’s a bit sneaky and took me ages to realise! It also wasn’t radically affecting my life which also makes it sneaky. So, how did this limiting belief show up for me?
- I would automatically doubt myself when doing anything mathematical – formulas in Excel, quick mental arithmetic, whatever it was I was already putting myself on the back foot! I would also double and triple check it, and maybe even then ask someone else to verify it.
- I would even try to avoid it if I could, therefore protecting myself so I didn’t have to worry about getting it wrong.
I finally realised that underneath this I was telling myself, for some reason, that I wasn’t very good at maths. My realisations were formed of the following:
- my preference is English and writing over maths and numbers. But that doesn’t equate to not being good at Maths!
- I chose all artistic subjects for A-level and university because I enjoyed them more. Just because I don’t find maths as enjoyable it doesn’t mean I’m no good at it
- My sister did maths A-level and I did not. My interpretation of this for probably a long time fit well into the ‘I’m therefore no good at Maths’ mantra, and belief that other people (like those who did study it) will be better at it than I am! This just isn’t necessarily true.
- Do I actually have evidence of being rubbish at maths? Have I actually made terrible mathematical mistakes that have had consequences? To my knowledge, no.
- Can I do what I need to do when it comes to maths? Yes – for example my tax return and budgeting. If you asked me to do some kind of complex A-level stuff (or even what I learned for GCSE by now to be honest), probably not. But I’m fairly comfortable with those odds being slim – and I’m allowed not to be ‘expert’ level (it still doesn’t mean the same as ‘no good at’).
Tips for managing your own limiting beliefs
I’d encourage you to examine your thinking a bit! You can’t just stop thoughts in their tracks or flip a switch to change them immediately (it’s a process to form new thinking habits). So it all starts with awareness and being conscious of them (rather than autopilot). The main thing here is to realise this – a thought you have is just that, a thought. It isn’t necessarily reality. Or actually even close!
You can breathe life into these thoughts (just like my example, you might have done this over a long time). But you can also choose not to do that. A great coach once said that thoughts are like clouds – they drift in, but also drift out. Some of those thoughts may feel heavier as they drift in and want to hang around longer, but you may at least be more aware of them now and allow them to also drift out.
You can challenge the thought. Consider what thinking might be going on your underneath that thought (that bedrock underlying limiting belief). What evidence is there that this is true? Is it always true? One mistake doesn’t make something a truth forevermore. Will it be true no matter what you do?
Support for managing limiting beliefs
I know this stuff isn’t easy.
Often this is thinking you have been used to experiencing (without even realising ) over a long period of time.
If you would like some support to challenge your limiting beliefs, then please get in touch: kathryn@kbmindfulcoaching.com. It is possible, with practice, patience, compassion and kindness to think of things differently.
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