The truth about life coaching

Is it fraudulent fluff or invaluable insights? Or can it be both?

Let’s get the elephant in the room out the way straight off – I am a life coach. Can I objectively talk about the truth about life coaching? Of course I am in favour of it, BUT done the right way. So what is the ‘right way’?  Well, that is open to interpretation and a heap of subjectivity.  But I will share my really honest views on life coaching as I see it – the good, the bad and the ugly!

Coaching has boomed as an industry in recent years – is that because people need it more than ever, or are people being taken advantage of? I think it is possible for both things to be true. This article from the BBC, published in 2024, certainly has some punchy things to say about life coaching. I could be offended, but I’m not because I can’t disagree with the points made about the potential lack of ethical conduct (here if you fancy a read:

 https://www.bbc.co.uk/worklife/article/20240206-life-coaching-industry-scams)

The dark side of coaching

There is a dark side to an industry where anyone can choose one day to call themselves a coach and charge whatever they like under the proviso that it is you, the client, who is responsible for your results.  Doesn’t that make it easy to set yourself up as one, and promise nothing?! Potentially yes.

But it’s equally ‘dark’ to promise you the earth and then not deliver. Pressure tactics, pushy sales techniques, outrageous promises and big assumptions are very much part of the ‘not the right way’ approach to life coaching, and I’m sure overtly everyone says this, even if it’s not matched by actual tactics used by some!  

Life coaching v other coaching

I also think that life coaching can be perceived as a poorer relation of say ‘career coaching’ or ‘leadership coaching’. Life coaching can sound like a wishy washy catch-all for a coach who doesn’t have direction / training / strategy. Whilst this could be true, it can also be a red herring!

For me a (good) life coach is someone who will partner with you, in the exact context of your life, your situation, your beliefs, values, strengths and so on, and help you map out and refit the puzzle pieces that need some attention – and we will work together to work out which pieces these are. It’s not always the ones you think it will be! It might involve your work, but it also might involve your relationships. It might involve your leadership style, it might also involve your home life.

Humans don’t exist in a vacuum, with sections of our lives in neat and distinct camps. But I understand why life coaching in particular can get a bad rep when this point isn’t explained properly.

Do people want to say ‘help me with my life’ as opposed to ‘I need some help with my career right now?’ – probably not, but please don’t overlook life coaching as a valid choice in the coaching sphere (that is if you haven’t been put off by the dark side!)

The truth is that no matter what a coach calls themselves, or what specialism they have put in their title, there will be good and bad examples of each. So let’s explore this a bit more and how to protect yourself.

Confusing messaging about coaching!

Again, what the coaching actually is, is open to interpretation – so know what you are signing up for! Coaching can mean different things to different people and there isn’t necessarily a right or wrong here.

Each coach will have their own style of how they deliver coaching, how they talk, how they interact with you, what they ask of you, how they keep your accountable, check in with you, and so on. Coaches can package it up differently, have a set number of sessions, or a time period, have contact in between, and use different methods (online, in person, email, voice notes etc). It might be called a coaching ‘programme’ with a specific result in mind. It might involve mentoring, or techniques that are perhaps not viewed as ‘pure coaching’ that some training stipulates – again that will depend on your coach’s style and what training (if any) they have had.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions (many if necessary), read reviews and ensure you feel comfortable before you engage a coach’s services, and if there are pressure tactics not to do this, it might be worth considering why!

‘Qualified’ coaches or not?

This is a topic that gets very divisive – and defensive, especially amongst coaches.

Those who are qualified (with a provider recognised by a coaching body like the ICF (International Coaching Federation), EMCC (European Mentoring and Coaching Council) or the AC (Association for Coaching) are protective of the ethical standards and rigorous training they have adhered to.

Those who are coaches by experience and have no formal qualifications get annoyed by the implication that they should be formally qualified to consider themselves a ‘proper coach’. I can see both sides (I am a qualified coach as per the first description) because to me the most important factor is what kind of coach are they for you, what do they offer that meets your needs, and have they stayed away from the dark side?!

On the point of coaching qualifications, I’ve seen life coaching training advertised on social media for $7. In less than a day, get your ‘certification’, which if we are honest you could have awarded yourself because what does ‘xyz coaching school’ actually stand for and hold itself accountable to if it’s not one of the recognised professional bodies? If it’s a pointless tick box exercise, what was the value in having done it at all?

When coaching is not part of the answer

 

A good coach should point out when coaching (with them at least) is not best suited to your needs.

It might be that therapy or counselling is better suited, or complementary to coaching, and a good coach should never ignore those signs for the sake of a sale, it will be in neither of your interests.

You may not know exactly when coaching is still appropriate, but your coach should point this out.

Too much risk in coaching, best to avoid it full stop then?

Given all these potential pitfalls, isn’t it best to just avoid coaching altogether then?! I can understand why you may think that.

You don’t have to look far to find a plethora of coaches out there, so how do you know if one of them is worth taking a leap of faith in for you? 

I’d say feel free to explore, and then say no if you have any alarm bells. As much as some coaches may have given over to the dark side, there are far more I’m fairly certain who haven’t, who take what we do seriously, who care about our clients’ wellbeing and results, and who operate ethically without asking you to remortgage your home to pay for it. Which leads on to…

Where is the value in life coaching?

Value is a loaded term – do we mean the monetary value, what it has cost you? Was it value for money? What we perceive to be of good value will always be different for different people. Trying to value something that seems intangible, like coaching is always going to be tricky. So the question really is – what do you want to be different after having coaching, which will be personal to you and your circumstances. You are considering it for a reason, even if there isn’t an obvious tangible goal at the end of it (like ‘I want to decide about relocating’ or ‘shall I pursue a new career in xxxx?’).

Good coaching should give you the following:

- Clarity. Specifically, about understanding yourself better, and what you want (and don’t want!) in your life. Sometimes this can feel crystal clear, and other times we can need a bit of help to get that clarity and focus back.

- Identifying what’s in your way. And this can be a big one! Sometimes we can’t see ‘the wood for the trees’ when we are immersed in only our own perspective. We get used to seeing the world in a certain way, like through our own lens. This can create mental blocks or feelings of being stuck (all I see is all there is). A coach can help you identify new thinking, perspectives and possible solutions.

- Time out! How often do you really get to stop for a moment, and just think about you and your needs? Daily life can be a treadmill of ‘to do’ and looking towards ‘what’s next?’. Coaching is a moment to press pause and enjoy the present, even just for a while.

- Focus on goals that matter to you. Just like the new year’s resolutions that get cast aside in February, it can be tough to maintain motivation, action and dedication to both long- and short-term goals. A coach can help you better understand your immediate needs and future wants, your commitment to these, and help you plan the steps to get you there. We can’t create more time, but we have choices to make with the time we do have.

- Understanding yourself. Chances are this isn’t what you had in mind as a benefit for starting coaching! It can sound a bit ‘woo’ and meaningless.  But actually it is important as a starting point for most things –  after all, we’ve determined that only you can live your life, and how you think, feel and behave directly impacts how that life will pan out. When you understand what triggers you, drives you, causes you discomfort, what assumptions you might be making about yourself, others and your situation,  you can better choose how to respond (as opposed to react).

- Accountability. How often do we let ourselves off the hook for something we only admitted to ourselves that we would do?! A life coach’s role isn’t to berate you for not meeting your goal, but to help you determine why it isn’t on track and what can be done to resolve that, if it is something that genuinely matters to you.

What is the truth about life coaching then?! 

It's complicated! But I hope everything I've set out here is helpful. We can think of positive and negative examples of most career choices ( e.g. a teacher who was supportive or one who was overly critical), but I think 'life coach' is a career that will more often than not produce a raised eyebrow. Which camp do they fall into? Armed with the above, hopefully you'll get to deduce that.

You can ask me anything you like about what I’ve said, whether you are interested in coaching with me or not. No dark side pressure tactics here! kathryn@kbmindfulcoaching.com