Or 'what does it mean to be successful?'
You won’t be surprised to hear me start with the an interpretation of success, and therefore what it may mean to be successful.
Traditional views of success
What immediately springs to mind when you think of a person who is successful – what is it that has made them so?
Is it wealth, status, a recognised and long-established career filled with notable ‘wins’, being a (multiple) home owner?
These are often typical things that come to mind when we hear the term success. What do you notice about these ingredients for success? Two are very material – what ‘stuff’ has been accumulated (money, property), and the other two represent an element of prestige, potentially to others.
Nothing wrong with any of these I should add, but you probably know by now that there is a big ‘but’ coming!
A definition of success
A dictionary definition is actually really quite straight forward, and I hope, as you read on, much more liberating to work with and apply to ourselves as we answer the question ‘what does it mean (for me) to be successful?’:
‘the accomplishment of an aim or a purpose’
For a life coach, this is great news! Nothing prescriptive mentioned here! The fulfilment of our aim or purpose is what leads to success, which means we can all have our own deeply personal and varied versions of success.
Your version of success
Like a lot of questions that appear in the coaching space, you might not have asked yourself ‘what is my version of success?’ – at least in not such blunt terms!
You might have a view along the lines of ‘success doesn’t matter to me’ – but I’d suggest that is if you have framed success in the traditional perspective mentioned above. If you decide the terms of your own success, it can actually be a helpful guiding light - are there goals and aspirations that matter to you, the achievement of which can lead to a sense of fulfilment and contentment?
I think the word ‘success’ can put people off because it has connotations of winning, and conversely losing. The opposite might be considered ‘failing’ (this is a whole topic I’ve spoken about before – you can read my views on failing here!). So let’s even park the word success for a moment, and go back to that definition which referred to ‘aim and purpose’.
Your goals and aspirations
You might be relieved to read I’m not going to suggest you have to write down SMART goals for your life! But having a sense of what you want to achieve for you (note, not what others may want for you, nor what you might think you should want) is helpful and it doesn’t have to be all about a career either!
Your personal development, wellbeing, physical health, education, work, relationships… you decide! I’d also add that these can evolve over time, and become a priority or less important as things inevitably change for you during your life. And that’s OK – there’s no success rulebook we have to follow!
Does being ‘successful’ matter?
I think that’s a great question – and comes down to being comfortable with what it means to us individually to be successful.
For example, your line of work may be governed by your wish to support others and make a difference to others’ lives, your desire to learn about and appreciate other cultures may drive your travel plans in your personal life, your wish to be connected with a community may inspire you to volunteer… and so on.
Success can be entirely defined and measured on your terms, in which case I think we can all be in favour of it!
In the way of our success
I’m just going to end this blog with a message that I really do understand that interpreting what makes a lot of sense on paper (or screen!), and what we know logically adds up, can be a very different experience to translate into real life.
There are many things beyond our control, we have responsibilities and obligations, and it can feel that our circumstances are weighted against us.
But I think the most disruptive part that gets in the way of our success is our own self-doubt. Feeling that what we want is ‘just not for me’, or that you are unlikely to be capable of achieving it because of who you are, not because of any external factors, is like the physical equivalent of putting a dauntingly high hurdle in your path!
It’s not an easy or quick fix issue, but you can cultivate your self-esteem, confidence and make real strides in your journey to the success you want to achieve – on your terms.
If you haven’t already downloaded my guide on imposter syndrome (how to help stop it getting in your way! – please access that here, and afterwards you are very welcome to book in for a no-obligation chat here. As a life coach, it is a privilege to support others realise the capabilities and resourcefulness in themselves that perhaps they just don’t quite see – yet! I am passionate about the positive impact of life coaching, especially for mums, and supporting others to see themselves, their possibilities and their future differently is a joy.
That’s my version of success.