It's not too late to change!

It's not too late to change - change just feels hard!

Inspiration for change at any age

I’m reading an excellent novel at the moment (it’s the third in a trilogy) about an 87-year old woman, who, after a difficult life has been inspired by a documentary to help save penguins. And she does, in her own way, just that. (Away with the Penguins by Hazel Prior is book one if you fancy looking it up). Yes it’s a novel, yes it’s a bit fanciful (and she’s helpfully very rich), but nonetheless it’s inspiring and the character is very relatable. So it’s inspired this blog – it really isn’t too late to change. In small ways, bigger ones, in life, work, relationships, or anything else!

Why change feels out of reach

Like a lot of things, it (change in this case) isn’t problematic in itself, it’s our thoughts and feelings around it that are. We worry it is too late for change, that we are stuck in our ways, that something we secretly want ‘isn’t for us’… but timing isn’t the issue.

Fear of the unknown (for that is what change brings), and self-doubt we are capable of achieving it is often in the mix. The truth is, a lot of the time, change feels hard. But what is on the other side can be so worth it, otherwise don’t we just keep getting what we have now instead?

 

Why we think we are too late to change

If we are honest with ourselves, we have probably postponed desired change at some point in our lives. Not because of laziness or failure, but because it feels daunting, not ‘the right time yet’ or we aren’t ready for it.

Embracing change means navigating something unfamiliar and unsettling (think back to your first day at school or in a new job. You needed to be there, but it was probably unsettling: 'where is everything, who is everyone else, will I remember all this?!'). But we also rationally know it doesn’t stay this way, and those early worries fade because we learn where to go, who everyone is and how we fit in to this new environment. It would just help if we could apply this rational logic to other times we want to embrace change!

I think the difference is some change is thrust upon us (e.g. starting school!), but when it is a desired change for us, we can more easily talk ourselves out of it. So let’s try and address that!

What's really behind reluctance to change

‘Too late’ for a change is often a cover for ‘too unknown’ or ‘too risky’. (Or ‘what will other people think?’). What can we do about these?!

·        Too unknown – what gaps in our knowledge or understanding can we plug? What are likely outcomes of our actions (PS you have to accept that some of these gaps can’t be plugged and outcomes are not guaranteed) but we can go some way into considering future outcomes and how we will respond.

·        Too risky – is it really? What are the actual risks? Is there a first step instead of a single huge leap? What can mitigate those perceived risks – the ones that are more likely to occur than the catastrophised ones!

·        Other people’s views. Simple truth – we cannot control others, what they think feel, say or do. So, if they have an opinion on what we are doing, we have to let them! (You may want to read up on Mel Robbins on the ‘let them’ theory). What others say is honestly a reflection on them, not you, as hard as that may be to just accept at face value. There could be jealousy, insecurity, spite, all sorts at play. Who are the people who really matter that may be affected directly by your desired change? It’s probably a lot smaller crowd than you think!

What we really need to embrace change

So, we’ve identified it’s not really about time, it’s about permission – from yourself.

We don’t like what is unfamiliar, even if what is familiar to us is not that palatable (anymore). There are complicating factors that like to cloud our thoughts too, like guilt for example (‘I don’t really have anything to complain about’) or comparisons (‘Others did this way earlier than me’). All this is very normal, if annoying and even frustrating at times.

Navigating change isn’t a one off problem to solve unfortunately, it’s a process to move through, and then get comfortable on the other side of it.

Change can sound big and drastic (like going from Scotland to Antarctica so ‘save penguins’ as in the book I mentioned), but it doesn’t have to be. It only needs to be honest, and relevant to you. You don’t have to announce it to anyone else, or feel that it only counts if it is negotiated in one go. Small steps over big leaps build momentum, habits and change over time – also possibly mitigating the discomfort, fear and riskiness associated with change.

I hope you feel encouraged that change isn’t too late, whether you are in your 40s, 60s, or any other decade! What matters is what you want, and it’s your life, no one else’s. If you’re willing to embrace the idea that it is possible… then it will be so, maybe slowly, maybe gradually, but possible nonetheless.

If all this has resonated with you and you know you’d like a shift of sorts (even if you can’t quite pinpoint what that is yet), please join me in my upcoming workshop ‘Mid-year Reset’ on Wed 25 June at 1 pm on Zoom (sign up here). It’s just 45 minutes over lunch; no pressure, no sharing required, just meaningful reflection on where you are and where you’re heading.

We’ll look at some of the elements that shape our life experience: like beliefs, energy and preferences, and our current circumstances, and set intentions that feel realistic and right for you. Hope to see you then!