What happens inside a coaching session?

Coaching really is understood by being experienced rather than explained. That said, it is often desirable (and fair!) to want to have a clearer understanding of what you might be getting yourself into before taking the plunge!

So this blog is all about lifting the lid inside a coaching session, in general terms and according to me as the life coach who you’d partner with for the experience.

(You can find coaching demos online if you’d like to see them in action, but bear in mind the factors in play that I’ll go on to discuss in this blog). There are after all, at least 3 variables at play: the coach and what they bring to the experience, you the client and your thoughts, beliefs, personality and communication style, and of course what is discussed inside the session.

But let’s get into it – what can you expect from experiencing coaching, either a single session or an ongoing partnership?:

Before a coaching session starts

Most coaches, myself included, will have spoken with you beforehand, for a few reasons:

• Are we a good match?

• Is coaching the most appropriate tool to proceed with given your context?

• Is a single session or a series of sessions the best fit?

• To discuss some practicalities, like how and when sessions will be held, the coach’s duty of care, what is expected of the client etc.

This is a great chance to get an understanding of how things may unfold in terms of process, but it won’t be where the magic of the coaching happens – that comes inside (and in between) the sessions  - all will become clear!

How will a coaching session start?

Your coach will try to help you feel at ease as it’s in both of your interests. It’s important that you feel safe that you can be open and honest and not feel you have to hide anything you wish to say, even if it feels a bit uncomfortable or awkward.

For your coach, if you aren’t saying something, then they can’t help you with it! You don’t need to worry if it comes out clumsily or unclear, your coach will help you unravel and unpick what it may mean.

You might have been asked some ‘pre-questions’ prior to the session, but even if that’s the case, your coach is likely to check in with you what you’d like to discuss in the session, and what you’d like to get out of it. Again, if this is unclear, the discussion with your coach will help this become clearer.  

How will a coaching session progress?

Your coach may help you define what it is you want to know more about, what might need exploring, what might be in the way currently, and what decisions or actions you’d like to end the session with in place.

It isn’t uncommon for a session to appear to go off ‘on a tangent’ – this isn’t ‘right' or 'wrong’ but your coach may ask you if this new tangent is something you want to explore more in the time you have over the original ‘plan’. The beauty of coaching is that its purpose is to access new thinking, hence why something unexpected but relevant may present itself! Sometimes the tangent can be a red herring (avoidance of what really actually is the issue!)  

Throughout the coaching session, your coach will be asking you questions to draw out thinking and answers / realisations from you (because it is these that really matter). They may also share insights and reflect back things you’ve said because hearing exactly what you’ve said can be very enlightening!

Your coach will be listening closely because it’s not just what we say, it’s what we repeat, how we say it, our choice of words, and also what we don’t say that can give us clues for where the answers we’re looking for might be.

Your coach won’t say ‘you should do x, y, z’, but your coach may, with your permission, offer a suggestion / idea / observation that you may want to consider, or discard as you see fit.

During all of these exchanges, the idea is that new or progressed thinking is occurring for you, the client. You may continue to join the dots after the session has concluded (that often happens!). Your insights will shape what you decide to do next – after all, it’s not just thinking around something that brings about change or a different outcome, there does need to be the doing part as well!

How will a coaching session end?

Your coach is likely to check in with you about what is feeling clearer following your discussions during the session.

They may ask what you will do next, what you may explore further and what action(s) you may take, and if you’d like them to check-in with you (accountability is a big plus for lot of people who experience coaching). You may even discuss booking in a further session, if appropriate.

What are you likely to feel during a coaching session?

Coaching can mean recognising some uncomfortable truths so even though you have felt able to share what needs to be discussed, it may not always feel entirely comfortable.

Confidence wobbles, doubts over decisions, frustration with circumstances… it’s all normal. BUT also you are likely to feel a sense of movement (as opposed to being stuck), maybe relief from unburdening, and enthusiasm for what you may do next.

It isn’t uncommon for a client to say something like ‘I didn’t realise I felt that way / that strongly about …’  or ‘it feels a lot lighter now I’ve spoken it through and know what I am going to do next’.

Life coaching is not about miracle-working, but it is about creating some momentum when before we might have been feeling stuck, or lost, or at a dead-end. In my opinion, the little bit of magic about coaching that seems so simple is in the space to pause, to think, to process and to be heard.

If your curiosity has been roused and you’d like to know if I may be the right coach for you, please don’t hesitate to get in touch: kathryn@kbmindfulcoaching.com or book in for a clarity call here. Talk soon!