Are you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt?
A very reasonable answer may be ‘I don’t know!’ It doesn’t necessarily have flashing lights to help us identify it, unfortunately.
Some self-doubt is normal, and often we are right to ask ourselves questions before deciding something is right for us or what we want (you can read more on my thoughts on this in my previous blog ‘from self-doubt to self-assured’).
I’ve very specifically chosen the words ‘a cycle of self-doubt’ to indicate that it may have become a repetitive loop of thinking that we may be unaware we are playing out over and over again in our heads when it comes to making key decisions in our lives that will impact us and our future. If you follow the loop around, you’ll notice the common theme – all the doubt is centred around ourselves: our capabilities and who we are (perhaps in comparison to others).
How did I get in a self-doubt cycle?!
The above example is just that, an example – it’s not how pervasive self-doubt may play out for everyone, in that precise order or with those exact thoughts. But you get the gist. And as you follow this cycle the whole way through, you can easily see how one part feeds another, and so the cycle repeats easily and perhaps endlessly, and what’s even more sneaky, all this without us really realising it!
This is because our brains become used to a way of thinking, which in turn influences our behaviour and actions (or lack thereof!). We do it all the time, and for inconsequential things, it makes very little difference – it means our brains can preserve energy for the things that require it, like learning new skills (‘brain-drain’ after a day of training is real!). The unfortunate thing is that these habitual brain shortcuts can be to our detriment if they mean we are caught up in a cycle of self-doubt.
How to break the self-doubt cycle
The fact that you’ve read this is a good start – because awareness is nearly always the first step to changing something! How can we change something we don’t know about?! Here are some other pointers to help you:
- Pay attention to your thoughts. Whilst you can’t control your thoughts per se (you might be reading this and the thought of ‘what’s for dinner tonight?’ has popped innocently but unintentionally into your head!), you can notice them, and over time, practise introducing more helpful ones.
- Do you have thoughts that often start with ‘ I can’t…’ or ‘I’m not…’ or ‘I don’t…’? (Or it may be the opposite but followed by a negative inference, e.g. ‘I can only…’ or ‘I am just…’). Whilst you may be used to thinking thoughts like this, try acknowledging them as thoughts, not concrete truths about who you are, what you are capable of, or what you deserve.
- Do you use words like ‘everyone’, ‘no-one’, ‘never’ and ‘always’? E.g. ‘No one will listen to my views, I’m never taken seriously’. Often these generalisations are borne out of one or two experiences, which, although may have been unpleasant, we’ve then equated to mean a lot more than is perhaps the case.
- Ask yourself what is actually truthful about the thought(s) you’ve had. Humans like evidence to back up our thinking, so it’s possible we have been ignoring some evidence to the contrary ( to prove ourselves right – something we also like!).
- Consider for a moment that there may be more truthful or accurate alternatives to the thought you’ve had. Have you made an assumption from an initial thought (fact) and made it mean something about you which is actually unfair or untrue?
new possibilities outside of the self-doubt cycle
Once we open up our brains to the possibility of new, more helpful and constructive thoughts, it’s like we’ve pushed a door ajar to greater opportunities and wants for ourselves.
It’s not always easy, or instant, it’s not like thoughts we’ve been used to having for a long time can just be consigned to a metaphorical bin overnight.
BUT we can get more used to noticing them, not immediately accepting them, and seeing what alternatives there are – and these alternatives will inform new behaviours and actions, therefore breaking the cycle, hurrah! In time, these more helpful thoughts can become part of our new cycle that comes more naturally to us.
Sounds simple! What next?
I know this all may sound quite straightforward – which it kind of is and isn’t at the same time!
Our willingness to notice and start somewhere is absolutely a great start. Truthfully, our belief in ourselves is crucial to our personal success (whatever that looks like) and it is often a continuous practise rather than a ‘once and done’ thing.
It’s why I am a life coach, it’s why I support others to nurture the belief in themselves that needs a chance to be realised by them. Positive change is possible, and that includes for you!
(P.s. if you caught yourself thinking a thought just then that excluded your from this possibility, that is your cue to follow the tips above, and to book in a no-obligation call with me!)
Whilst we absolutely can make progress on our own, unravelling our own thoughts and truths can be tricky.
Getting support from a life coach can be a way to fast-track your realisations, your progress and your breaking of unhelpful thinking cycles - even coaches have coaches!
If you'd like to know if coaching with me may be an option for you (and you can choose no!), please book in for a no-obligation chat here: https://calendly.com/kbmindfulcoaching/clarity