Finding your purpose

Why purpose matters, how it evolves and what to do when you feel lost - all coming up!

Why purpose matters

Purpose literally means ‘the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.’ (It also means ‘a person’s sense of resolve or determination’ but in this blog I’m really going to focus on the first meaning).

It’s an interesting one when applying it to being human and negotiating life; none of us asked or chose to be born, but once here, and especially once we reach adulthood, it seems we all want to have a sense of purpose. Why is that?

I think there are quite a few answers that are valid here – if we feel we have purpose we are likely to have meaning, direction, belonging, a sense of contribution, feelings of worth / value / usefulness, and be motivated to do more than just exist each day!

I think most people are drawn to at least one of those; we are after all creative, sentient and resourceful beings, so just existing doesn’t really cut it when we have the possibility for more than that. It also means that when things aren’t going well, or we are facing something challenging (because we aren’t always going to get an easy ride), that we are more resilient and able to see past that hardship because we are connected with why we are doing something.

It's also fairly widely reported that a sense of purpose impacts our wellbeing – from our mental health (stress, anxiety levels), to our physical health, (sleep quality, even living longer).

Purpose isn’t fixed: it evolves and is created

We know why it matters, so how do we make sure we have it – and keep it?

Well, it makes sense that it isn’t a fixed ‘once and done’ thing. What felt purposeful to you in your 20s may feel different to you in your 40s. Your sense of what purpose means may also have shifted. It doesn’t have to be a huge grandiose world-changing ambition (it can be if you want though!).

Life changes, as do you as you grow older – your values may have shifted and your priorities adjusted: purpose can be found in something else than what we grew used to (and have now outgrown). And it isn’t something to feel guilt over either, we can’t force something to feel motivational or valuable to us, if it just doesn’t. But there will be something – even if it looks unorthodox to others and is perhaps a mixture of smaller things to make up your own version of purpose.

Purpose doesn’t mean productivity or worth

Having purpose doesn’t necessarily equate to output to ‘count’.  Yes, it can look like an obvious indicator, especially to others, but those intrinsic factors mentioned at the start, like motivation and meaning, those are important internal indicators.

If things aren’t going well, perhaps if you are a solopreneur or freelancer and business is slow, or you are in a transition period, it doesn’t mean you don’t have purpose anymore. We can get caught up with purpose being totally aligned with our identity, for example that of ‘parent’ or ‘teacher’ etc. Your child(ren) may have flown the nest, or you’ve retired from teaching, but it doesn’t mean the ‘purpose switch’ has been turned off like a light!

External roles we fulfil aren’t the same as inherent value we have as a person (even if we are searching for a new direction to occupy ourselves). We are still worthy when you aren’t sure what’s next. You are just in the process of finding your evolving purpose, and that’s ok.

Finding purpose (again) now

A good place to start (for many things, and definitely including purpose) is what matters to you, now, at this stage of your life? Is it different to perhaps what you used to say and what matched with your lifestyle? Our sense of purpose will be unique to us, and so can only really come from current self-knowledge and understanding.

If you don’t know where to start, you could try journaling some responses to questions (starting with the one above!) – no one has to see it, judge it or understand it, and there won’t be right or wrong answers. What do you care about? What do you value?

Purpose doesn’t have to equate to ambition in the traditional sense (like a career ladder), it could be that your purpose now has a different focus, and it may take a little while to either find what that is, or make the changes you want to be able to meet  / fulfil it. Don’t be afraid to try, test and explore – like most things in life there isn’t one perfect right answer that we are required to find. We actually have to spend time not knowing, which we don’t like, but in this case, we are at least discovering.  

If you are finding it hard to rediscover what purpose means to you now, and what changes you’d like to make, do consider working with a coach.  A coach like me can help you uncover threads of purpose that we can struggle to pin down on our own, or have the confidence to take action to bring to fruition.

There's no judgement on what your purpose may end up looking like (my own has shifted too!), but not being tuned into it can mean we lose out on the connection, belonging and direction that can make a big difference in our lives, and I don't want that for you! Let's talk - kathryn@kbmindfulcoaching.com